i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
