Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
