I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
