apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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