I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
