I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
