I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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