We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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