It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
