i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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