she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
