Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
