Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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