I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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