it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
