I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
