One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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