my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
