4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
