I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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