i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
