I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
