i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
