Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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