ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
