The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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