When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
