its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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