Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
