NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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