I think i peed on brittanys purse
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
