My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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