it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
