how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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