Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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