some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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