I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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