It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im part way to drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
