Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
