great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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