you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
