Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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