just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
