You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
