mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
