can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
