3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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