Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
