I faked an abortion last night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
