I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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