My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
