make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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