went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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