does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
