How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
