Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize